iLiza's eyes

Do you have a moment?

“Do you have a moment… for gay rights?"

It’s a boy standing on the sidewalk. He’s holding a clipboard, and as I was walking across the street towards him, I could have sworn he was going to ask me where I get my hair done.

I was wrong. He’s skinny, medium height, brown hair, insignificant features, except he looks at me with this look that makes me feel bad for him and his gay rights. I brush it off.

“Sorry.”

I turn away from him and accidentally lock eyes with predator number two. She’s less passive, and I know she just saw me casually reject her doe-eyed friend and his signature-seeking attempt.

“Do you have time to spare for gay rights?”

She stares at me directly. Her question seems innocent, but she penetrates me with the accusing stare-down. And I feel a pang of guilt as I say, “I’m sorry,” and drop my eyes.

As I walk away, I think of Dan, and the agitated sigh he would release if he were standing next to me. He hates people like that, and for the first time, I do too.

It’s not because they’re interrupting my walk home, I decide, I’m used to people standing on the corner with clipboards and blocking my way or shoving flyers into my face. That’s fine, that’s New York. What made me fume was the fact that, in a matter of 10 seconds, the Gay Rights duo had managed to make me feel guilty for saying “no.” They made me feel bad for not stopping to support THEIR idea of how to improve gay rights.

Perhaps it was the wording, “do you have time?” “do you have time to spare?”. Well, of course I have time to spare for gay rights! I read the paper, I took a class on sexuality and American Public life, I’m an informed voter who thinks about those issues when I go to the polls, I have numerous gay friends, and yes, I’m for equal rights—not just for gays, but for everyone.

But that’s not what my street-corner accusers meant, was it? What they meant was, “do you care enough right now to stop and listen to what I think about gay rights and agree with me and sign my paper?”

And I said no. And by the way they stared me down, that means I don’t care about gay rights. And I’m a bitch. And for a second, I agreed with them. And I felt bad for not stopping.

By the time I get to the next street corner, I no longer feel guilty. I feel annoyed. I’m annoyed by what just happened, I’m annoyed that it bothered me for even just a second, and mostly I hate the fact that I can’t stop thinking about it.

There are so many ways to incite change, or to be a good citizen, or to care about important issues. There are so many ways to serve others and to serve the world, and so many different issues and people who deserve to be served. And yet some overly-righteous strangers on the street can shut-out their should-be allies. And all for a signature on a two dollar clipboard.

posted by iliza @ 9:42 PM