The more I hang out with people my age, the more I realize how very much the same we are, how very lost we all are. At an age when confidence is cool, when success is increasingly necessary, and to be successful, we cannot lose sight of the goal, the time when doubt is most strongly taking hold, is the first time when its existence seems dangerous to our entire futures.
It’s not only me, I realize, who hides my self-doubt. The more I think on it, every single one of us is doing it: we’ve just gotten really good at building a shield to hide the fact that we’re all freaking out. Our shields say composed, put together, happy, proud. Our shields tell the world that it can trust us, even though we have no idea what we’re doing. Even though, behind it, each and everyone of us is having a crisis, is holding back tears, is tremendously terrified for ourselves, terrified for each other.
Sometimes when I feel pain, when I feel sad or overwhelmed or generally confused about what the hell I’m doing, I feel like I’m the only one. I cannot feel another’s pain and so forget, you feel it too. Maybe that’s our problem: we’ve all forgotten that we’re a collective freak-out, our entire age group is a collective panic attack, stifled under the pressure of each other, of a world that gives us the materials to build really good walls and motes around ourselves. A world, an age, that teaches us to ignore the freak-out. But when we ignore it, we forget that every single one of us…yeah, every single one…is freaking-out behind closed doors.
This post is dedicated to our collective panic attack. It’s dedicated to the guy who doesn’t know where he wants to be or what he wants to do.
It’s to the girl who’s in the most beautiful country in the world, but still feels lonely.
It’s to the guy who can’t choose a life path because he’s still burdened by his past.
It’s to the girl who trying so hard to build on a job that doesn’t really make her happy.
It’s to the guy who will stay up all night tonight ‘cause things just don’t always work out.
It’s to the girl who’s still so haunted by a past that keeps throwing itself at her.
It’s to the girl who’s making the tough decision. The girl who’s overwhelmed with work. The guy who’s afraid of the love he’s falling into. The girl having the quarter life crisis. The guy trying so hard to make friends. The girl who had to cut the time of her life short…
posted by iliza @ 9:11 PM
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