In New York, there are hundreds, thousands of people who post listings-- everything from "Wanting to get spanked tonight" to "Looking for a woman to carry my baby" to "I just want to fall in love." The ironic part to me is that these people are desperately trying to make a connection with someone out there on this huge island, and they're doing it by sitting at their computer in their apartment. Alone.
This seems insane on some levels. I think three years ago, before I moved here, I would have thought it was ridiculous. And yet, I found myself spending three hours doing the same thing; and my time was more out of curiosity than actual seriousness. To understand the oxy moron, you have to live in New York. But I think anyone who's frustrated that they can't make a connection can understand the act of at least browsing.
In this city, it's easy to feel alone. You can be surrounded by people at every moment, even your best friends, and you will always feel stranded. I think everyone must have that moment on an empty Saturday as they wake up and seriously consider going back to sleep so they don't have to face the hollow day.
I think a lot of people spend their weekends in front of the TV instead of seizing the day.
I think it's really scary to be here. To feel like EVERYONE has this brilliant, beautiful life flourishing in this city of "endless opportunity" and you're the only one who doesn't. Because everyone seems happy, but it's tiring to always play along.
And then you come home, and you're lonely and isolated, and just yearning for the connections that "everyone else" has. And so you log online and feel it, even superficially, from the pictures and postings online. Just like you watch TV all day Saturday to feel on some sort of level with humanity.
Or maybe just to block out the silence.
posted by iliza @ 11:13 PM
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