I fell off my bike when I was on vacation one summer, and the gash that I cried over for a week ended up healing around a bunch of Eagles Mere gravel that was too painful for me to pick out. So it's there, all purple and concealed under my skin until today. My skin finally started the process of pushing out those little gravel pieces, expelling the excess waste from my body in the form of the little black speck I could pull out with a tweezers.
I wonder about temporality: about the comings and goings in our lives. The way we can be so bonded together at one point and then simply fall away from eachother with the greatest of ease. I wonder how our minds are able to fathom that, how the elimination of people and things from our lives is somehow acceptable enough to happen, despite how much we might fight it. How a friend or you can slowly change to the point when things just don't work anymore; how a relationship can disappear after years of unequivocal intimacy.
How a relationship can appear and slip almost perfectly into the hole that the others left behind.
For some reason this doesn't seem fair. It seems that we should be able to truck along with our individual lives and carry our friends beside us on parallel tracks. We should be able to keep what we work so hard to establish. We should have the solidarity to know that what we win is ours, is a trophy on our shelf, is a permanent prize in our hearts. It's funny: we're all travelling to the same place, but we can't all go together.
As a matter of fact, there's very little we get to hold on to. Most things just slip right by us, kiss us a bit of grace as they truck on by. And those that stick around, never do forever: our friendships, our boyfriends, our hubbies, our passions. They'll move on too...and yet they still feel worth fighting for.
Even the gravel in my knee is starting to readjust it's own place in the world. I told my mom that I thought the rest of it would come out sometime in the future. When I'm an old lady in my rocker, I'll pick out the last piece of purple.
posted by iliza @ 11:47 PM
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